A feelin’ safer now
By Dr. John R. Bomar
Boy, am I glad to finally get it figured out. For a while there I was confused. Lets me see now if I got it right; we didn’t really invade Iraq to capture them terrible weapons that hung like a guillotine over our neck ready to be dropped, or ready to be handed over to more of them Arab kamakazis. We went there to liberate them people and establish a shinin’ beacon of democracy, a light that would beam eternally into the Middle East and bring them folks enlightenment that’ud pull them right up from the middle ages into the twenty first century, and they’d be our friends from now on. Yea, boy hidey, I got it now. And it’s a whopper of a great idea, especially with them a sittin’ on top of all that oil. Besides, picking over all them reports of Ole’ Saddam’s evil arsenal, some a sayin’ yes, many a sayin’ no, was just too confusin’. Better’n bein’ confused, take action. Yes, siree Bob, that’s my motto.
Even if them Iraqi’s didn’t have them terrible weapons we would’a gone in there anyway. Just on Big George’s word. Ole’ Saddam was just a might too dangerous a fellow to leave in power, especially a sittin’ on top of all that oil. We didn’t have no other choice. That danged embargo we set up after that first Gulf War hadn’t worked a’tall, all it had did was starve and kill about 700,000 of them Iraqi’s -- them not a havin’ no food of medicine, you know. But I am truly sorry it was mostly them kids and old folks that died. Anyway, why, in the end everybody in that whole country, well almost, was completely dependin’ on that blasted regime just to eat. The got their vittles brought around and passed out free by that Baathist gang of Mr. Hussein’s, who was a tradin’ some of that oil for food and such. Now, is that any way to weaken a dictator and his lieutenants? I ask you.
So, definitely and most surely we had to go in there and straighten things out, weren’t no other choice. Besides, Ole’ Saddam had tried to assassinate the first Big George. Can you imagine? The cheek of it rattles my brain. No wonder his son went in there to take care of him, once and for all, good and sure. Thank goodness them assassin’s car broke down on the way to the gatherin’ up. Otherwise, we might a had to go into Iraq under them Democrats. Man, we all know what a disaster that would a been. Knowin’ them Democrats, they probably wouldn’t a used enough troops for the job and made a big mess of things, lettin’ them Arabs run around on the loose, all amok and stealin’ things and a raisin’ cain.
The smart thing about choosin’ to fight them over there instead of over here is that they now keep a multiplying like flies on a dead horse, or sweat bees to a workin’ mule. Who would a thought that so few of them could’a become so many in such a short time? Must be something a really stirrin’ them up, but for the life of me I can’t figure out what it is. Anyway, total victory is near real soon and that there evil insurgency bunch is in its last throes, Big Dick said so.
The longer we stay around the better it’s gonna get. I’ll be cracky if that ain’t so. We’ve made so many friends there now that when our troops speed by down them roads the people take their shoes off and throw ‘em at the trucks and jeeps and shoot off big firecrackers.
I know it’ll turn out all right if we can just stay the course. Why, looking back all I can see in our wake is fair winds and calm seas. That’s the great thing about the captain, he don’t miss the big picture, and keeps an even keel in a straight line, even if some say there’s big rocks ahead.
Yep, a victory celebration is just around the corner. And me? I can’t wait. We’ll strike up the band, and listenin’ to them cheers of the world, we’ll march down them avenues in all our glory: democracy’s crusaders home from the battle. It’s just about to happen, I can feel it. Won’t be long now, just you wait. All the sufferin’ and awfulness will be justified. We’ll be the winners for sure, no worries matey. Just stay the course, that’s the ticket. I can already see that beacon just a shinin’.
Big George is in charge and we can all be a restin’ peacefully in our beds knowin’ that. Goodness me, where’d we be without him. Heck, them Iraqi’s would probably ‘uv already attacked us by now if’n not for Big George, them crafty devils creeping up to our windows at night, looking in, ready to take our women and slit our throats.
I don’t know about you friend, but I’m sure a feelin’ safer.
Dr. John R. Bomar is a decorated and disabled veteran of the Vietnam War.
Boy, am I glad to finally get it figured out. For a while there I was confused. Lets me see now if I got it right; we didn’t really invade Iraq to capture them terrible weapons that hung like a guillotine over our neck ready to be dropped, or ready to be handed over to more of them Arab kamakazis. We went there to liberate them people and establish a shinin’ beacon of democracy, a light that would beam eternally into the Middle East and bring them folks enlightenment that’ud pull them right up from the middle ages into the twenty first century, and they’d be our friends from now on. Yea, boy hidey, I got it now. And it’s a whopper of a great idea, especially with them a sittin’ on top of all that oil. Besides, picking over all them reports of Ole’ Saddam’s evil arsenal, some a sayin’ yes, many a sayin’ no, was just too confusin’. Better’n bein’ confused, take action. Yes, siree Bob, that’s my motto.
Even if them Iraqi’s didn’t have them terrible weapons we would’a gone in there anyway. Just on Big George’s word. Ole’ Saddam was just a might too dangerous a fellow to leave in power, especially a sittin’ on top of all that oil. We didn’t have no other choice. That danged embargo we set up after that first Gulf War hadn’t worked a’tall, all it had did was starve and kill about 700,000 of them Iraqi’s -- them not a havin’ no food of medicine, you know. But I am truly sorry it was mostly them kids and old folks that died. Anyway, why, in the end everybody in that whole country, well almost, was completely dependin’ on that blasted regime just to eat. The got their vittles brought around and passed out free by that Baathist gang of Mr. Hussein’s, who was a tradin’ some of that oil for food and such. Now, is that any way to weaken a dictator and his lieutenants? I ask you.
So, definitely and most surely we had to go in there and straighten things out, weren’t no other choice. Besides, Ole’ Saddam had tried to assassinate the first Big George. Can you imagine? The cheek of it rattles my brain. No wonder his son went in there to take care of him, once and for all, good and sure. Thank goodness them assassin’s car broke down on the way to the gatherin’ up. Otherwise, we might a had to go into Iraq under them Democrats. Man, we all know what a disaster that would a been. Knowin’ them Democrats, they probably wouldn’t a used enough troops for the job and made a big mess of things, lettin’ them Arabs run around on the loose, all amok and stealin’ things and a raisin’ cain.
The smart thing about choosin’ to fight them over there instead of over here is that they now keep a multiplying like flies on a dead horse, or sweat bees to a workin’ mule. Who would a thought that so few of them could’a become so many in such a short time? Must be something a really stirrin’ them up, but for the life of me I can’t figure out what it is. Anyway, total victory is near real soon and that there evil insurgency bunch is in its last throes, Big Dick said so.
The longer we stay around the better it’s gonna get. I’ll be cracky if that ain’t so. We’ve made so many friends there now that when our troops speed by down them roads the people take their shoes off and throw ‘em at the trucks and jeeps and shoot off big firecrackers.
I know it’ll turn out all right if we can just stay the course. Why, looking back all I can see in our wake is fair winds and calm seas. That’s the great thing about the captain, he don’t miss the big picture, and keeps an even keel in a straight line, even if some say there’s big rocks ahead.
Yep, a victory celebration is just around the corner. And me? I can’t wait. We’ll strike up the band, and listenin’ to them cheers of the world, we’ll march down them avenues in all our glory: democracy’s crusaders home from the battle. It’s just about to happen, I can feel it. Won’t be long now, just you wait. All the sufferin’ and awfulness will be justified. We’ll be the winners for sure, no worries matey. Just stay the course, that’s the ticket. I can already see that beacon just a shinin’.
Big George is in charge and we can all be a restin’ peacefully in our beds knowin’ that. Goodness me, where’d we be without him. Heck, them Iraqi’s would probably ‘uv already attacked us by now if’n not for Big George, them crafty devils creeping up to our windows at night, looking in, ready to take our women and slit our throats.
I don’t know about you friend, but I’m sure a feelin’ safer.
Dr. John R. Bomar is a decorated and disabled veteran of the Vietnam War.
posted by Change at 9:16 PM
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